You did it. You’re no longer single. You’ve got a partner, maybe even a spouse. But deep down, something’s off. Your romantic partner constantly puts others – friends, family, an Ex, or a demanding job – ahead of you. It’s like you’re stuck in the backseat of their life, watching everyone else take the wheel. When you try to address it, they dismiss you, get defensive, or insist nothing will change. It’s maddening, and it leaves you wondering: Do I just accept being second best?
On my show, Heart & Mind with Dr. Dina McMillan (on Daily Clout, Rumble, and YouTube), I unpack issues like this one, discuss why this happens, and give you key ways to fix it. Spoiler: you don’t have to settle. Here’s how you got here and three steps to reclaim your place in the winner’s circle.
How It Happened
Feeling sidelined often starts subtly. Early in the relationship, you might’ve overlooked red flags – like their tendency to drop everything for a friend’s crisis or prioritize an Ex’s demands. Manipulators (and yes, some partners are manipulative) test your boundaries to see how much you’ll tolerate. They might justify it with excuses: “My job is crazy,” or “My family needs me.” Over time, you’re conditioned to accept less, doubting your worth. As I discuss in my book, Fascination with the Devil, this dynamic thrives when you don’t know and assert your value. But here’s the truth: you deserve to be a priority, and you can shift the dynamic with intention.
Step 1: Recognize and Demand Your Worth
First, recognize you’re not “imagining things.” Your feelings are valid. Manipulative partners often gaslight you into questioning your reality, but being deprioritized is a real issue. Build your confidence by listing your strengths. It may help to write them down. Remind yourself daily that you’re worthy of respect and attention. This inner shift makes it harder for anyone to dismiss you.
Step 2: Talk About It
Next, communicate your needs calmly but firmly. Don’t make it about them or use statements like “You always…”. Instead, use “I” statements: “I feel hurt when other priorities come before our relationship. I need us to make time for each other.” If they push back, don’t waver. Actions speak louder than words, so watch what they do, not what they say. If they refuse to adjust, it’s a sign they value control over connection, or perhaps these other people or issues matter more to them than you. Protect your emotional and psychological health by limiting how much you give to someone who won’t reciprocate.
Step 3: Invest in Yourself
Finally, prioritize you. Put some time and energy into self-care. Return to or find hobbies, friends, or quiet moments that recharge you. If your partner sees you valuing yourself, they’re more likely to follow suit. If they don’t, it’s time to reassess. You’re not an also-ran; you’re the star of your life. If they can’t or won’t meet you halfway, you may need to walk away to find someone who will.
Take Back Your Power
You deserve a partner who makes you a top priority, not an afterthought. Start today: affirm your worth, set one clear boundary, and begin investing in yourself. For more tools to build healthier relationships and avoid manipulation, join me on Heart & Mind with Dr. Dina McMillan on Daily Clout, Rumble, or YouTube. Remind yourself – you’re not just enough, you’re extraordinary. Act like it, and watch your relationships transform.
Questions or Comments? Contact me at drdinablog@gmail.com.”